should we love enemies or just hate ourselves? does anyone has the same experiences like me that you love some people had ever harmed you and even they treat you like you never exist at all, but you still love them. and finally you admit they are jerks and suffered for this for a long time. when you try to get through all this misunderstood destiny in your life and try very hard to have your own act together, then they are just coming back like phantoms, hanging around you for the reasons you can’t figure out?? maybe just for fun. maybe for the unforgettable memories between you 2? or just wanna make sure you still belong to them? or maybe them just want to get their mugs in your cupboard back. you won’t know the reasons for rest of your life. but you misunderstood again and again like you did before. you are familiar with this pattern, even you did know you don’t like it at all, but you do that again and again.
for your safe and sound, you start to believe they are demons, they are enemies that want to take away all you have, so there are the action plans:
1. hiding behind your anger and fear
2. you will know new people in your life, what can you do? starting to treat them like you will never understand what they’re saying, ignore what their really needs as well as won’t let anyone getting close to your heart any longer.
3. trying to have a good-looking, a nice shape and a good job; trying to work hard and aggressively, trying to enjoy your own time even sometimes you have to be alone. trying to be a person who loves him/herself more.
4. crying when you see the soft side, laughing loudly when you crumble. despising the shamed tears and trying to be brave when you are weak.
5. trying not to trust anyone so easily in rest of your life, and treat the people who might be want to love you as a bitch.
6. believing truthfully the above unhealthy ways is better for you, and being happy with that.
that will make you strong and inviolable. I’m not saying I’m a saint or a virgin, you can say I’m going to extremes, but it does a good suggestion if you usually lost your heart to jerks. maybe we should not to blame the jerks, are there really so many jerks out there? or you should hate yourself, you should ask yourself why you are always blind as well as stumble on the same staircase.
perhaps we are pathetic souls by nature, we thought we are different and high-minded like first time we were imagining what kind the person we want to be when we were very very young. Mostly we believe deeply that we are going to become IT and try everything to go for it, no matter how many efforts we have to make; when things went to unknown situations, we were panic with the things out of our controls. then we were numbed with the unsatisfied lives, got used to get nothing we needed and said to ourselves there were nothing we can do.
there’s a friend said a pretty interesting logic to me, we are living in an infinite world, this world can be so illimitable that could reach of space and time. maybe you might be living in the heaven now, just you can’t see it straight. on the contrary, you might be living in a hell now, it depends on what you want to choose.
in consequence of these thoughts; future can be the past, now can be forever, the eternity might be exist, expectation can’t compare with the apple you are eating and the things you are holding in hands now. disappearance is not much of loss. to see is to believe is bullshit indeed.
so, enjoy your journey. no matter how the weather is, how the food tastes. no matter you might be has no companions with you. enjoy your scenery. cause you might be miss the best part if you are not looking at carefully. to have more courage, cause you might be need to get off when you are ready.
